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Hey Skintt,
I really feel what you’re going through.
You have a few (none of them perfect) options here:
1. Talk to your boss. See if you can wear headphones while you’re working (proper headphones that’ll block out all the coughing). Also see if you can work the odd day from home or in a quiet room in the office. Turn it into a benefit for the company. Explain that when you can work in total quiet you can get lots more done.
2. Consider changing job. It might sound dramatic, but if there are 5 or 6 people triggering you constantly this problem isn’t going anywhere, even if you’re drugged up to the eyeballs. You might find ways to cope and reset in-between triggers but you’ll subjected yourself to an exhausting regime day in day out. There are other offices and jobs and, if you’re able, there is always freelancing. Too often as misophones we feel like have to conform to the accepted ‘norm’ (cramped, noisy offices) but there are a lot of different ways to work now.
Re: Drugs. Some people have found CBD oil helps a little. To be honest drugs won’t be a truly effective or sustainable route and they don’t really work for miso. It’s a bit like trying to shoot down a bumblebee with a rocket launcher and they never silence just the miso without tinkering with something else. They’ll be unwanted side effects and possibly dependency etc etc Some might give you a temporary respite (as you’ve found with alcohol) but when they wear off the misophonia is usually exacerbated, so I would avoid going down that route.
Wishing you all the best with it.
Hi SAS,
I’m not doctor or medical professional but it sounds like he is prescribing you drugs for something completely different. Is he aware of misophonia and if not could you try to get an appointment with someone who is more familiar with the disorder for a second opinion?
As far as I’m aware no drugs have been proven to work for misophonia as yet and if you have no other issues (outside of your misophonia) this cocktail might have a somewhat zombifying effect.
Hi Misophonic Dude, thanks for you post.
So it’s hard to say for sure whether or not you have misophonia from this but what I would say is that (on the whole) I tend to find people know, straight away, that they have misophonia after reading a few paragraphs about the disorder.
It is an extremely intense aversion to certain sounds and if you’re not getting that – and it’s more of an annoyance – then it may be something else.
The reaction to sounds at a certain decibel level could indicate that you have hyperacusis (which is an aversion to sounds over a certain loudness).
Anyway, I hope this helps and wishing you the very best with everything.
Hi Grace,
I went to Uni and loved it. A lot of the triggers you physically can’t escape from living at home melt away as you finally have your own space (assuming you have your own room) and independence. If mealtimes are getting overwhelming you can eat in the kitchen or your room. If you’re triggered by someone in a lecture you can just sit somewhere else next time and so on. There’s a great deal of freedom.
I didn’t tell anyone about my miso at uni. I don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer with this but I didn’t want people (including myself) to be on edge over my disorder and it seemed to work.
In terms of eating in lectures this wasn’t something I noticed people doing, I think it would have been seen as rude at my uni. People would bring hot drinks and bottled water though. Often these lecture halls are pretty big so as I said you could strategically position yourself away from anyone who triggers you.
Uni was 3 of the most outrageously fun years of my life and I hope you love every minute of it Grace, I’m sure you will!
Hi Anonymous, I’m so sorry to hear what you’ve been going through.
Try, if you can, to explain to your mum that the most cutting edge research from neuroscientists suggests that misophonia is a neurological disorder. As such is something that happens in the pre-conscious and is to something you can control having a response to.
It’s great that you’re seeing a therapist to help but please please don’t go down the exposure therapy route. Exposure therapy is a completely and utterly unproven treatment for misophonia (despite certain practitioners with a financial interest suggesting otherwise). It may do more harm than good, not to mention the expense.
You’re not trying to overcome an irrational fear of spiders – as suggested it’s most likely a neurological condition (see Dr Sukhbinder Kumar’s study). You can’t cure dyslexia with exposure therapy and the same applies to us.
Wishing you all the best with everything, I promise you it gets easier as you learn different coping mechanisms. For now, why not point your mum towards some of the latest misophonia studies? You can find links to a bunch on this site.
Hi Anne Marie, great to hear from you.
I’ll kick this off as I feel like the misokinesia (visual triggers) has recently got as bad, if not worse sometimes, than the misophonia.
For me it tends to be mainly face and hand related and it’s 1,000 times worse when it’s in my peripheral vision.
In other words if I can see from the side that…
Someone is touching their face
Making strange hand movements
Tugging their hair
Stroking their beard
Resting their hand on their face in a unusual position
Pointing at something
Drumming fingers
Clasping and rubbing hands together
Texting on phone
Rolling fingers together
Fidgeting in generalAlso any eating related movements are triggers, as you say above. Seeing someone chewing (even if it’s soundless) either straight on or in my peripheral vision is really tough.
These are the main ones I can think of off the top of my head.
When I realised that actually it’s mainly two things it really helped. I felt less out of control or ‘weird’ knowing that it’s face and/or hands rather than hundreds of little separate triggers. Also the peripheral vision thing.
This may or may not be similar for you but if you look at it this way, the list of triggers never really grows (they’re just variations on the same thing). It also means you can form better coping mechanisms. e.g. try to avoid sitting next to or to near people who are anxious or fidget a lot. Create barriers to block visual triggers if possible/if you need to. I have a plant next to be at work which I can kind of position so I can’t see my colleague touching his face all the time.
You can lead a wonderful and fulfilling with misophonia and miskokinesia, I promise. If you’re able to accept it and work with it, it stops ruling you.
Hi Eddie,
I think everyone here can empathise with your pain and that overwhelming (and yes torturous!) feeling of panic and anger which can wash over us during triggers.
However, as you say, it’s never acceptable to hit anyone. I agree with Mystic Fupa too here. It might be worth gauging who you tell about your misophonia. I actually never told anyone at my school because I knew kids wouldn’t get and that worse, they might use it against me and it could have the potential to create the kind of conflict you talk about.
If you have the faintest inclining that you’re leaning towards violence in the future, the easiest, fastest and safest thing to do is just remove yourself from the situation.
As others have said, leave the room, walk away… make an excuse and go to the bathroom.
When you’re alone again, splash your face with cold water, take a deep breath and reset yourself. As you get older you’ll find that you can slot into coping mechanisms like these easier.
You can absolutely do this.
Hi Susan,
I totally understand, from the bottom from my heart.
Every day miso trigger sounds have the same impact on me and every time, in that moment, I feel intense panic accompanied with intense upset, anger and frustration.
Because it has such and intense impact (almost akin to someone jabbing you really hard or screaming in your face) it feels, in that moment, implausible that the person making the sound couldn’t know how cruel/disgusting/uncivilised these noises sound. And to do it several times… well, that just feels beyond any kind of reason.
The thing that helps me counter this feeling – and this is very difficult to do in the moment and usually comes afterwards – is to rationalise it (as I mentioned above in my previous post). Challenge those heat-of-the moment beliefs. Write them down on a piece of paper and read them to yourself outloud afterwards with a clear head. Do they make sense? Is it really that this person making the noise is being vindictive or that they have something very wrong with them? Or is it more likely that we are hypersensitive to every noise they make.
Sometimes it can help to step outside of the misophonia.
Imagine, instead of misophonia, someone has a hypersensitivity to the colour red. They find it excruciating that Bob and Sally often wear red in their outfits in the office. As someone without a hypersensitivity to colour you would understand that they were just wearing their clothes. They’re not trying to hurt anyone and they’re not doing anything unusual. Moreover colour isn’t actually dangerous or a threat. But the person with the hypersensitivity is so aware of it that they notice the slightest fleck of red in Bob’s watch strap… or the red on the bottom of Sally’s shoes. You can see how the sense of frustration and the feeling that Bob and Sally were ‘doing this on purpose’ would build and build.
It’s certainly the case that some people are noisier than others. It’s also the case that some people are less polite than others. It doesn’t make it any easier but I think that’s true with everything in life. For example some people are more extroverted than others… some people are more emotionally aware and so on. Then there are different customs and cultural norms. We all sit on different scales.
What I do think is telling though – with my own experience with misophonia – is that even with the quietest, most considered and polite individuals – if I spend enough time with them, my misophonia will get triggered.
In terms of dealing our hypersensitivity I’ve put every technique I’m aware of (from myself and others) here:
http://allergictosound.com/articles/misophonia-coping-strategies/
http://allergictosound.com/blog/whats-best-misophonia-coping-technique/
http://allergictosound.com/articles/the-big-reveal-your-favourite-misophonia-coping-techniques/
I hope some of these help.
Your question about sensitivity and empathy outside of misophonia is a very interesting one and in my opinion very relevant. In fact I know it’s something that is being researched at the moment. I don’t know if it applies to all misophones but I certainly know that a lots of us seem to have higher than normal levels of empathy.
Hi Susan, I guess another way to look at it is that we are the ones with the hypersensitivity, rather than the problem.
If you have a room of a 100 people and only 2 people gets upset/panicked/enraged by certain noises (you and I), the evidence would suggest that the noises themselves are normal. What’s happening is that our sensitivity to these noises is 200%… 300% or 500% higher than the other 98 people in the room.
So though it may feel as if the triggers are slams or punches or crashes or bangs that are being done to us, thoughtlessly or purposefully, they’re just everyday sounds that we have an extraordinary sensitivity to. That’s the reason why the people making the sounds are totally oblivious that they might be having an effect on others.
I sometimes find it helpful, after a misophonic episode, to try and reflect and rationalise with myself. I ask myself questions like: “Is there be any rational motive for this person to make these sounds with the intent of upsetting me or others?” “Is anyone else in the room affected by this noise?” “Is this person vindictive, cruel or unkind towards me, or others, in any other way?” The answer is usually no on all counts (for me at least). That doesn’t make us bad or wrong or a problem – it just means we’re people who need to be aware of our sensory hypersensitivity and find ways to work with it.
Hi Isaac! Welcome to the forum. Great to have you here. I probably should make this clearer on the site but we try to avoid calling out individuals for triggers on here, hence the blanks above where the name is. Your description is excellent so I’m sure people will understand the kind of trigger sound you’re talking about.
Hi there,
It sounds like you’ve been amazing and incredibly thoughtful to your son, he’s very lucky to have you as parents.
My feeling (and it would be interesting to hear what others think) is that there could be some more consideration from your son here.
Your daughter doesn’t have misophonia and isn’t doing anything wrong by eating crisps from time to time. Misophonia is tough on your son, but it will also be difficult for her and for you and your partner. It’s a cruel disorder but none of you should have to feel like prisoners in your own home.
I think it’s about balance. If someone’s purposefully goading him and trying to trigger his misophonia then that should obviously be clamped down on. In other situations it sounds like there could be more awareness from his side. Ultimately he is the one with the disorder (not the rest of the family) so he needs to be willing to make adaptations too.
If he’s feeling triggered he can leave the room or take a time out. Otherwise if everybody is treading on eggshells around him the whole time it could lead to a very tense/anxious family environment.
The ideal scenario (easier said than done!) is being mindful and forgiving of one another. Maybe being aware that if he shoots a glare from time to time, it probably isn’t him, it’s the misophonia being triggered. Carrots, crisps, apples… are like foghorns to misophones so maybe try, where possible, not to be right up in his face doing it (not that it sounds like any of you are). By the same token if comes into a room where someone’s eating it’s no big deal, he can go somewhere else for a bit.
When he gets a job and/or leaves home one day he won’t be extended the kinds of courtesies that he’s had at home by strangers or colleagues. It will help him in the long run to work on his own coping mechanisms. If he can do that, he can take on the world.
I hope this helps.
Hi Xanthe, I get VERY affected by dog’s barking. We have a dog in the office, who I love, but she barks every time the buzzer goes which nearly gives me a heart attack.
The most recent studies suggest that misophonia is a neurological disorder not a behavioural one. So in terms of ‘exposure therapy’ this is unlikely to have any positive impact – and the process itself would likely cause some distress.
Hi Eppie,
I’m not usually a fan of earplugs as it can exacerbate the miso when you’re not wearing them… however it sounds like you’ve got a really tricky situation on your hands and they could be helpful from time to time. If you ask your doctor or audiologist about earplugs for hyperacusis they might help. These plugs are designed to dampen sounds without completely blocking everything out.
Hope this helps!
Hi Afton,
I absolutely know what you mean.
I haven’t had my lips go numb but certainly my head will feel a confused, fuzzy, numb rage at times. It’s so hard to find out that outlet, and I really feel your pain. I find that getting outside and just walking… somewhere, anywhere really helps me, especially if there’s a green space.
