- This topic has 7 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 1 year, 11 months ago by Marissa.
September 3, 2018 at 1:27 pm #1009004Eddie Lally
Im having great difficulty in conveying how serious my misophonia is to everyone. It doesnt help that im 16 so most of the people that i have to tell to stop are immature, thus prompting them torture me. (Torture is a strong word; being the reason that i used it). For some reason this is almost always the case when i tell someone to stop triggering me. Sometimes i feel like i have to seriously harm them to stop it from happening, luckily i have not seriously injured anyone yet but im terrified that i will one day. I have punched few people in the face but im very against any kind of violence and hate myself so much for it.
I would like to hear from some fellow sufferers about how you ask people to stop and if the amount of rage i feel is normal, when triggered.
My triggers are pretty much any sound that is not speaking that comes from a mouth.September 5, 2018 at 9:58 am #1009011MysticFupa
Honestly, and this can be hard when you’re 16, I know, but you may have to find a way to politely excuse yourself from the situation. Find a reason to walk away, use the restroom, grab something from across the room, etc.
Also, it may be best NOT to share this information with most others. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, of course, but phobias aren’t taken terribly seriously by many, mostly because I think they don’t relate. And, your peers especially, will want to tease you. Misophonia is one of those quirks some of us have that WE need to adjust our lives around, not others. Our triggers are valid, but it’s not acceptable that we expect people to change their eating habits.
Also, check out DBT, especially the mindfulness module. This has gotten me through so much.
Don’t worry, you got this!!September 6, 2018 at 8:50 am #1009013CJ
Usually it’s impossible not to share.
Someone deliberately clicked a pen repeatedly in an office (yes, you know, like in a professional organisation place!) They got dealt with though ;).
Just ask them nicely and apologise is the best advice from me.November 1, 2018 at 4:56 pm #1009162Misophonic DUDE
Dude you need to talk to a psychiatrist or a therapist, this isn’t normal.November 1, 2018 at 5:07 pm #1009173Allergic to SoundKeymaster
I think everyone here can empathise with your pain and that overwhelming (and yes torturous!) feeling of panic and anger which can wash over us during triggers.
However, as you say, it’s never acceptable to hit anyone. I agree with Mystic Fupa too here. It might be worth gauging who you tell about your misophonia. I actually never told anyone at my school because I knew kids wouldn’t get and that worse, they might use it against me and it could have the potential to create the kind of conflict you talk about.
If you have the faintest inclining that you’re leaning towards violence in the future, the easiest, fastest and safest thing to do is just remove yourself from the situation.
As others have said, leave the room, walk away… make an excuse and go to the bathroom.
When you’re alone again, splash your face with cold water, take a deep breath and reset yourself. As you get older you’ll find that you can slot into coping mechanisms like these easier.
You can absolutely do this.January 4, 2019 at 9:56 am #1009230sundaygirl
I just asked colleagues to please not chew gum in my presence and they were completely unsympathetic insisting that I wouldn’t hear it even though I said I DO hear it, but they countered to it is an unreasonable request. People are mean.January 26, 2019 at 12:44 pm #1009369Pepsta
Eddie, firstly this is normal for someone with miso and sound disorders, but walk away before you hit someone for your own sake!
I am a lot older than you are but I can relate to the problems you face in your teens as I started being affected by this around 12 years of age. My advice to you is DO NOT tell your family and friends, most people just don’t get this thing. I am genuinely staggered by the number of adults who think it is funny to trigger reactions. My family tainted me for years and thought it was really funny, but I would spend hours in my bedroom crying because of it. I am still haunted by those images and sounds years later. I stopped telling anyone anything after an initiAl plea for help because if you don’t experience it I really think people have any understanding of how horrible and life affecting this thing is. I have now spent years (decades) of always having wax earplugs in my ears. My brother is now over 60 years old but remembers and STILL deliberately winds me up. I can no longer sit anywhere near him. I hope that this horrible thing gets more recognition as the Years pass and research may give answers so that you may experience relief as you get older. I believe it is more common than it appears because on the whole people keep quiet about it as a form of self protection. Speak out people and help may happen one day! In the meantime, keep up all of your coping strategies and again my advice is do not tell your nearest and dearest unless you KNOW that they will understand. I believe this thing can ruin relationships, it was certainly a contributing factor to my marriage breakup. Fortunately I now have a lovely partner who really does try to understand and is sympathetic, but I know they find it very difficult. I am fortunate that they are a very patient person and we try to work on it together. After 45 years I have never mentioned it to my family again.February 11, 2019 at 2:42 pm #1009529Marissa
Hi, this is a very late reply, but as a high school student who has found myself in similar situations, my experiences might help. Usually, I’ve found that when I tell someone I hate the sound or ask someone to stop chewing loudly, they do it louder to spite me (which I kind of get; most people take it as me being bossy) So I’ve started framing it as physical illness instead. Whenever someone near me chews or pops their gum now, I tell them the strong smell (usually mint) gives me a headache. I tell them that I know it sounds weird, but usually if they beleive they’re causing me physical pain, they stop or at least close their mouths while they chew.
If that doesn’t work, and I can’t put in earbuds/earplugs or leave the situation (which are the ideal situations) I always carry a pack of gum on me so I can mimic the sound (I don’t open my mouth while chewing and try to keep it quiet in case there’s a fellow misophode nearby). It sounds kind of odd, but in a way it helps diffuse my anger because I feel like I’m mocking them. They, of course, have no idea, so I avoid getting into an awkward conversation or argument.
It might also be worth looking into learning to consciously relax your muscles. It sounds a bit random, but progressive muscle relaxation has actually helped me a lot. One thing I’ve noticed is that when I get triggered, my first reaction is to tense all the muscles in my body. This used to be accompanied by the urge to hit the source of the sound, which sounds a lot like what you’ve described. I asked a psychologist about it and he told me to focus on relaxing instead of tensing when I hear trigger noises. So nowadays when I’m triggered, the first thing I do is think about the rest of my body and intentionally relax any tense muscles. While it doesn’t stop me from nearly breaking down into tears, I stop thinking about doing anything violent. This might help you refrain from punching anyone else.
I also have a doctor’s note that forces my teachers to allow me to wear earplugs during tests (though luckily my teachers have all been very understanding and I haven’t had to use it yet), so you might look into that.
The rage your feeling, at least the way you describe it, as well as the self-hatred, sounds pretty much EXACTLY like what I experienced during middle school and most of high school. While I never hit anyone else for making trigger noises, I hurt myself instead; I would scratch myself until I bled, or bite my tongue or the inside of my cheek, often not realizing what I was doing until I tasted blood. You’re not alone. I hope this is helpful to you and any other fellow misophodes who see it. Good luck.