My story

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  • #8738 Reply

      Hello everyone,

      First, as many people have already said, it’s such a relief to have found this website, as I thought, among many other things, that I was very highly strung, to being extremely weird. It’s a relief to know it is a ‘condition’, as I now have a validated reason for my behaviour and reactions.

      I found this site around six months ago, and have wanted to post here since finding it, but I suppose I’ve had to go through a period of acceptance that I have a condition or problem, as I see it much like an alcoholic has to admit they have a problem.

      Now that I know about Misophonia and Misokinesia so much of what’s happened throughout my life now makes sense.

      Let me start at the beginning. My father had a habit of sucking his teeth, all the time. To me it was a disgusting sound, so much so that throughout my entire childhood I couldn’t bear to be in the same room as him. From the age I had a TV in my room until I left home I never spent time in the living room with my dad, I couldn’t bear it. Sometimes we’d have ‘video nights’ where we’d hire a video from the Blockbuster equivalent, these were unavoidable, and I’d lie in front of the TV ( father out of sit sight) and be basically on the verge of tears through frustration throughout the whole experience.

      After graduating from university I lived with my girlfriend in London. She would bite her nails as a habit. It would drive me crazy. I couldn’t understand why. It made me feel so aggressive. I asked her to stop, and at first she would stop for a short while and then continue again. I had to explain to her it actually made me feel so bad I couldn’t cope with her doing it. Fortunately she understood and did stop. Living in London other things used to drive me crazy, people chewing gum on the underground (subway) etc..

      Now I’m middle aged and have lived in Asia for many years, and it’s a terrible place for someone with these conditions. There’s a prevalence of street dogs, which are liable to bark as and when they wish, often at night. I live in a tourist place, where taxi drivers beep continually at people walking down the street trying to attract business. I have stopped my motorbike in front on a taxi before, got off and basically told him to shut the f××k up, in my heightened state of Misophonia aggression.

      The problem is, it seems to be getting worse. I have found an apartment where you can’t hear dogs barking, but this irritation had been replaced by something else. They’re great apartments, but the have tiled floors, and the chairs in the apartment have mental legs. Any time a neighbor moves their chair the sound of metal scraping against the tiles drives me crazy.

      Most things about modern life seem to set me off now. Smart phones used in the wrong places (for me) set me off. Airport lounges, or any sort of public transport. I had a boat trip to a nearby island and a guy across the way couldn’t stop looking at his phone. I wanted to go and smash it. I’ve lost count of the amount of times I’ve lost it with people in the gym looking at social media while they are on a machine. People staring at their phones in a restaurant makes me so mad I have to sit so I can’t see them. I was sat in a restaurant a few days ago and someone on a table next to us coughed repetitively every few seconds, I had to get up and move tables.

      I work with a guy in a shared office. He smokes a vape absolutely continuously. Not only does the nose drive me to distraction, but the movement of his hand to his mouth. So even if listen to music, which I often do, I can still see his hand continually moving the vape to his mouth. I end up leaving work drained.

      I’ve realised the only time I don’t q suffer from these symptoms is when I go out to a bar. Alcohol and conversation seems to reset any problems I had. I have also found that valium is a great help, though I didn’t start taking valium for this reason.

      Thank you for allowing me to vent. I’ve never had this opportunity before. I think the conclusion is I drink far more then I should do and self medicate.

      Speak soon,

      #1008758 Reply

        I totally feel your pain. I’ve been dealing with this since I was 11 years old, I’m 34 now. I’m so frustrated that it seems to be getting worse as I age, it’s to the point that I am looking forward to losing my hearing when I’m older.
        My relationships with literally everyone suffers from my behavior towards people. 🙁

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