Home Page › Forums › Misophonia Forum › Misophonia is hurting my parents
- This topic has 12 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 3 years, 12 months ago by Peter.
My parents have started to understand misophonia, but that doesn’t stop them from getting their feelings hurt. I can’t help the way I react to the way they eat and it takes all my willpower to not mention anything. I’m one of those people with a ridiculously expressive face so they can usually end up reading my emotions and seeing that I’m fighting rage. I just can’t figure out why people have to smack their food and why no one else notices!! I can’t even eat at the dinner table without music. This whole thing is hard enough for me and I already feel like I’m being stupid and overdramatic, and when they either (a) roll their eyes or (b) get offended, it makes it that much harder. Lately, they just get upset and I’m not sure what to do. I’m tired of hurting my parents like thisAllergic to SoundKeymaster
Hi Claire, I really really empathise with what you’re going through because I felt exactly the same way. I couldn’t understand why people felt it was acceptable to make these noises and why it seemed like everyone else was sleepwalking through life not noticing. I’ve had misophonia for over 25 years and a bit of me still thinks that every time I hear a trigger, I can’t help it.
The key realisation for me was when it clicked in my head that this thing we have really isn’t anything to do with other people or their behaviour. When our parents, friends or colleagues eat and go about their day making noises that drive us crazy they’re acting totally normally. 99% of the people are fine with the noises, it’s just us being super hypersensitive because we have this sensory disorder.
In other words realising that we can’t (and shouldn’t) try to change the world, can give you a fresh perspective. If you can let go and think “right, I have this – yes it sucks – but I’m not going to be able to change how the world works, so lets learn to live with it” it’ll get somewhat easier.
What might help is if you could talk to your parents openly about it and it and try to put yourself in their shoes. Explain to them that you know deep down that it’s not rational and that they’re not doing anything wrong, or trying to hurt you. But also explain that you have this sensory disorder called misophonia (ask them to read up on it) and that no matter how hard you try your body will reflex and you can’t help tensing up or glaring.
It’ll take time but the key is awareness and understanding. It’s just our luck as misophones that this is such a weird disorder to describe!
I really wish you all the best and do let us know how you get on.Alan
I have a similar problem with my parents, but as well as getting upset, they are now angry too. The worst part is that they understand it’s misophonia, that I can’t control it and they know what’s causing it. Ive told them multiple times politely to try and eat more quietly, and while they seem to care, they never do eat quietly. Example: I told my dad about this, and the very next day, he slurped a soup he was drinking – something which even five year olds can manage not to do, and so loudly that I can hear them eating from metres away. When they chew loudly, I sulk, and their response is to tell me to stop sulking and they sometimes even shout at me. While I can understand their being upset, I cannot understand their frustration with me. They are the sole cause of this and they get angry because I am unhappy with them? I am not shouting at them or being aggressive. They are even angry when I try to leave the room. This situation is very difficult for me. Please could anyome suggest a solution?Kathy
I have a 35 year old son who has suffered from misophonia for approximately 20 years. As a young boy he would smell everything. As he got older he went through night terrors and as he was reaching puberty he started developing tics. He had a drug addiction in his late teens and in that time misophonia took hold. I have read about the parents being impatient and angry at the meals. We have not eaten at the table with our son in years. He puts in his earbuds and eats in a room by himself. This is fine with us, we try to accomodate him as much as we can. My husband is an angry man, it was never directed at my son, but it was directed at my daughter and myself. I believe that this is the kind of environment that is ripe for misophonia. It is along the same line as PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)…behaviors that have developed from reactions to trauma and abuse in their environment. Stomping feet, angry voices, people running for protection. As a small child this would be very hard to cope with. Usually the misophonia child will grow to an adult who does not understand their feelings and emotions and often reacts in abnormal ways. They end up being very isolated. I believe that this is a developed behavior, such as hording, OCD, etc. and has everything to do with one or both parents or main caregivers. The misophonic has been emotionally abused, in my opinion. Let me know what you think.
Pl4ase email me at email@example.comKathy Leland
I am the mother of a misophonia sufferer. I also wrote in the post above. I am not sure how these things work, but I am writing here because I didn’t receive a response to my post on march 28, 2017.
I am convinced that this disorder is an emotionally based one and the misophonia sufferer has suffered amotional trauma as a child. My son suffered from night terrors, tics and other symptoms during his childhood. I believe that these experiences left him very emotionally confused. He could never properly identify the proper emotional reaction and misunderstood alot of situations which would come natural for most children.
There was anger and impatience in our home.
I have not read of anyone that has considered this aspect.
Please let me know what you think. Our son is suffering alot and it would be nice for all people suffering from this disorder to be able to find some hope.Anonymous person
My parents don’t understand my misophonia. I try to be very polite when I tell them that the chewing and stuff is bothering me, but they say that I’m selfish and rude. I ask them to understand, but they say that it’s my problem and that I should fix it. It’s really hard and they’re always getting super mad. And my brother does this too. Living with mysophonia in the first place is hard, and this makes it 10 times harder. When I’m about to erupt because of it and they ask what’s wrong, I don’t tell them because I’ll know they’ll get mad. They say that everyone on earth can’t “bend over backwards” for me and that I should deal and that other people deserve to be happy. Sometimes I get really really sad and angry because of it. It all makes me extremely angry and sad, which makes them madder. They say that I should just deal with it. But I try to tell them that it’s not that easy. Everyday is so hard. I just wish my family would listen. They get so angry and I’m being polite, or trying to. I explain misophonia so much to them but it doesn’t work.Lanie
Kathy, I seem to remember reading some discussion on here about relating the condition to a result of being verbally abused as a child. My dad was always a yeller and on top of not being able to tolerate noises, I still cringe when I hear someone yelling because it was always a precursor to worse behavior. I posit that Misophonia could be a form of or a symptom of PTSD. That’s my uneducated guess as a sufferer of the disorder. It would make sense.Grace Moore
I’m not really sure how often people look at these posts, or answer them, but I just thought I’d put something in here… My parents know that I struggle with anger towards a lot of sounds, and they do try to eat quietly around me, but since they don’t struggle with misophonia, they forget about it halfway through because it’s not a natural thought-pathway for them. It makes my mom very upset if she notices that I’m trying to ignore her chewing during a meal (i.e. me slowly putting headphones in my ears, or trying to finish my food faster so I can go somewhere else, or desperately trying to zone out and focus on something other than the sounds I’m hearing.) She is an extrovert and I’m a high functioning introvert, so when I get up and go to my room, or sit by myself, or have headphones in all the time then she believes it’s because she’s bothering me. It’s honestly very hard to try to go around everyone’s feelings and to try and make them happy by forcing myself to do all the things they want me to do, when my instincts are to be alone and independent.
I’m an 18 yr old girl, and I’ve had these problems since I was around 10. I’m pretty sure I don’t have any kind of PTSD, though I have had some bad losses and experiences in my short life. I’m not exactly sure that misophonia could be related to PTSD, to answer the comment above, but I’m not specially educated in psychology or science.
I hope that this helps anyone who reads it, and if you have any kind of answers or comments, please share them! I know this website is a big helper for my daily life, and hearing that other people have the same kinds of struggles/triggers/difficulties with family/etc. is amazing. Thank you guys!Craig
Best advice I could give is to make a joke out of it. Best to do when in a calm frame of mind. Also develop an irritating habit to try show what it’s like. It still amazes me how people think I over-react, yet when it’s the other way round it’s ok.Riley P.
There’s no way to explain the hatred I feel for myself because of misophonia. I could wish with my whole being that I wasn’t like this, but I know that for the rest of my life it will stay this way. My parents do everything that they can possibly do to accommodate for me, but I can’t help myself lashing out when I see or hear someone eating, or running up to my room and slamming my door so I can scream into my pillow. I know full well that this is completely unfair for everyone else, but realizing it also helps dealing with this situation that much harder. I try as hard as I can to keep a cool face for my friends and my family, but most of the time my friends get mad at me, or acknowledge me but continue what they were doing. They’ll explain to me that they “weren’t even chewing it loudly” and that I was making an unnecessarily big deal out of it. I realize how frustrating it must be for my loved ones, and that’s what makes me feel so terrible about myself.12 yr old girl.
I JUST learned that i have Misophonia, and while i’m typing this, my sis is coughing continuously for like 2 hrs. My whole family is the kind of family that never stops making disgusting noises, and right now i want to slap my sis. My mom screams at me whenever I make a weird face or cringe whenever my sister or her fart, cough, sniffle, sneeze, or burp. I can’t sleep with all these noises, not to mention whenever my parents make slurping noises/crunching noises, and I just wish I could scream at them. If I told my parents I have misophonia, they would just roll their eyes and start staying stuff JUST like “Anonymous Person” said their parents do. My parents say everyone can’t stop just for me, and blah blah blah. I’ve been researching, and a couple articles said Misophonia usually happens to people at 12, and it started for me last summer, a month after I turned twelve. I HATE THE NOISES, but I also wish the noises didn’t bother me soo much. It makes me feel like slapping everyone in my family. My mom is always like, “What is your problem? You always make a disgusted body language”, and IDK what to say. My mom always says, “We’re just a middle class family. Stop acting so posh.” I don’t want to, and this disorder ruined my relationship with my whole family, including my grandparents. PLS GIVE ME TIPS!!!!!My parents just get maddd.Holly
I’m 38 and have had this since I was 7 or 8. No abuse of any kind in the home so I do have to disagree with the ptsd theory. I will say I have ptsd now because certain triggers take me back to situations as a child when I was being triggered the worst and the memory of that gives me even greater anxiety. I am married with 2 kids (13 and 10). My husband is the biggest trigger for both me and my daughter. Yes! Two misophones in the same house. No one that lives here is happy! All the tips and tricks don’t necessarily work when there are multiples. Only thing it does is keep us from hurting someone or ourselves. I wonder if real research is being done and will they ever find a way to correct this torture.Peter
My brother ,sister and I all have this and two of my cousins.
My Dad always wants to hang out…but he recently quit smoking which I’m so glad about, but he now chews gum 24/7 and constantly is blowing into his hand…
I ask him every time to please stop you know I have this disorder and bam he’s 100% defensive and gets mad. I walk away to another room he gets mad.
It’s to the point where I cringe when he wants to hang out now.
I almost feel as if he’s doing it on purpose to get a rise out of me.
I tell him maybe he should go make fun of diabetics or people born with disorders since you have zero respect for mine and he laughs like mine is a fake disorder and says I’m overly sensitive….no shit that’s what misophonia is I said.
Anyways you will never win with these people regardless if you’re nice/angry or anything in between.
Let’s just enjoy our triggered life and ignore the people that don’t care about our condition.
I found an article about a man that killed some guy eating popcorn at the movies…no joke. He said he was over masticating as the reason to police. Lol some funny shit.Dawn
I have misophonia. I hate loud chewing, snoring, coughing and heavy breathing. My dad doesn’t seem to be bothered by it but I’m not sure if he believes me. He is a loud chewer and has heavy breathing. My sisters make fun of me and either pretend to chew or exaggerate their chewing. Personaly I think one of my sisters chews and breaths loud enough, no exaggeration needed… Its annoying however, my mom is the worst. She thinks I’m faking it and that I only react to HER chewing. She is a loud chewer because she has bad teeth. She gets angry at me and acts like I just hate anything she does… I don’t… If misophonia IS caused my bad experiences then I have some from my childhood, namely my mothers drinking problem (she doesn’t drink anymore but it effected me the most since I was just a kid and I never got any help for it). I don’t communicate well and can’t really defend myself and make my family see that it really effects me…Jackson
My parents deliberately chew loudly to *annoy* me or punish me when I say something they don’t like.