Misophonia destroying relationship with parents

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  • #4050 Reply

      My mother makes a certain sucking noise to clean her teeth and it honest to god drives me insane. My only coping methods throughout the years has been sound-proof headphones and leaving the situation. During dinner, when I’m very tense, I have a bad habit of being short when chatting or being asked questions, and then I leave as soon as I can. To an outsider this looks like I hate those at the table, and want nothing more than to leave their presence as soon as I can. In reality, I’m trying to escape my trigger as fast as I can while stressed.
      Being short with my mother is a coping method in hopes of getting her to leave fast, in the scenarios where she’s making the noise. Sometimes she would come into my room while eating a handful of nuts, or right after dinner (both times when she will definitely make the noise) and I feel trapped. I’ve already retreated to my space in order to escape the sounds, then she comes in. That causes me to be short and seem angry, seeing as I want her, well not her but the sounds, gone.

      Now this has been going on for years. Probably 12 years, really. That’s a long time for me to go through this and a long time of my mother feeling like I absolutely despise her. I tried to explain to her why I act that way I do, but her response was “get over it”. So the problem has persisted.

      I guess we reached a breaking point on mother’s day. We were out to dinner, and I was being short as usual, and my mother snapped. She left the restaurant, and when me and my father came home she told me that she hates me and wishes she wasn’t my mother. Today I’ve been told that she needs me out of the house ASAP.

      So I come to you all today: what can be done. I have bad coping mechanisms, which have hurt my mother for many years, and I don’t know how to fix it or myself. I’m so lost and scared. I want to be a better person for her and myself but I don’t even know where to start. I can’t even distinguish how much of my shortness over the years was due to misophonia and how much was habit.

      I’m a little emotional right now and I really could use some advice from people who can best understand where I’m coming from.

      #4117 Reply
      Emily Miller

        My advice, show your mom this website, so she knows its a real thing and tell her you do love her. And maybe show her your post. Time to be honest and most people react kindly to honesty.

        #4950 Reply

          I have exactly the same thing except my mum tries to be really sympathetic half the time… frustrating when shes not because its generally the opposite – She asks whoever it is making my trigger (if its family) to leave the room but if the mood isnt so good its like right now you leave the room or *some stupid sanction*

          We all need someone to be sympathetic and if your mum doesnt accept it maybe tell a close friend or sibling or relative who you know you can trust and talk to

          I need help on how to cope as well…. any ideas would be gr8


          #6955 Reply

            So i just discovered this website like an hour ago and i’m blown away. for the past 7 years i’ve been feeling trapped and like i was crazy for hating the sound of people eating. this exact scenario is what i live through each day with my parents. coping mechanisms and all. i wish i had advice but honestly i just want my voice to be heard. i empathize with you A LOT and i can constantly say i know where you’re coming from. my absolute least favorite thing is when i’m leaving the room cuz i’m having a panic attack and my mom starts saying to everyone in the room “ooohh boy there she goes again, making a scene having ‘having an attack’. she’s such a drama queen”. i even ran downstairs excited when i found this website and she still thinks i’m crazy. she keeps telling me to get over it. like i said, our stories parallel so much it’s shocking. more advice on this would be wonderful

            #7132 Reply

              I agree with Kate. I thought I was the only one with this problem. Then I found this website and it is amazing. But about your problem. I have the same problem except my dad is he one doing it. But I’ve tried asking my dad politely to stop smacking but he just gets mad and tells me the world doesn’t revolve around me. And that has nothing to do with it but I don’t think he understands how the noises he makes effects me. And I have thought about hurting him but I don’t want to have these thoughts. And when my dad is eating something and I’m around its like he does it louder than usual just to annoy me.

              #7388 Reply

                Dear Sarah,
                Show her this website and tell her that you are very sorry for being short in those best moments on the table with her during dinners and lunchs but it’s not something you can cope with and she has to understand you. On the other hand she has to respect you too and be more careful while eating, for ex. avoid eating noise making foods like nuts, apple or carrot if she doesn’t have to. I accept that we are allergic to some sounds but the counter part is also as guilty as we are.

                #7571 Reply

                  My daughter has this problem too. At first I thought it was funny and said she should get her hearing checked out. Now saying that I’ve probably passed it on to her, sometimes I hear things others don’t, like a strip light making a noise, or a fan running in the next apartment (it sounds like someone drilling through the wall!). My daughter’s problem is usually with chewing, yawning, breathing (if we’re out walking) and although she can be at her wits end with me, I’m not quite there – yet! But now I know what the problem is I can only try and alleviate it – by not breathing!!

                  #1010873 Reply

                    I’m so sad. I really want to get better and i don’t know how. All the chewing sounds hurt and enrage me, specifically the ones my dad makes. He is reluctant to change, tells me i’m being inconsiderate, oversensitive, that i need to suck it up. Having a negative response and knowing he makes no effort has made me even more intolerant.

                    My no1 coping method is Avoidance. I leave the table, I leave the room, bust out the biggest headphones with the loudest music. No trigger, no stress, right?. But this makes me incredibly sad. I don’t want to ruin my relationship and I feel like there is already a sour patch. It makes me feel sad and unproductive, and isolated. It is not him, yet my anger goes towards him since he is the loudest and the one that easily dismissed me and my feelings.

                    It feels quite crippling, too. I want to have dinner, it’s not an extreme sport. I want to be around my dad, not everyone has that luck. I don’t want to stay in my room like rapunzel. I feel so sad, and reading you all has made me feel sadder too. I feel like a problem and like a disrespectful daughter. I want to cry, and I want to get better. This is only ruininig my experiences with him and I hate that it’s my fault. I didn’t ask for this, but it is my fault that i’m distancing myself because its the method i chose.

                    Any help would be apreciated, and i apologize for any English mistakes (not my 1st language)

                    #1011022 Reply

                      Gosh I’ve been reading through all of these and they make me so sad. I’ve had Misophonia since I was about 10, I am lucky because we knew what it was as it runs in the family ( my uncle and cousin both have Misophonia ) my mom is my biggest trigger, which sucks because I really love my mom. She is super aware of what I’m feeling and is good at being sympathetic ( it used to be much worse and she would take it very personally ) I think part of this is due to the fact that her brother suffered from Misophonia as well. I was just downstairs when she walked through the door and sometimes my fight or flight really kicks in. Just being around her makes me want to run away as fast as I can. My face tingles and my jaw hurts and I feel like I’m going to explode with rage . I ran to my room and just started crying , didn’t even have time to say “hello” just seeing her face was enough to put me over the edge. Sometimes it isn’t this bad and I’m even able to have conversations with her, which is always great, but it is too rare. I am leaving for college soon, which is the only thing that makes this seem even remotely bearable, because I won’t feel trapped forever. But at the same time I’m sad to leave because I really love my family. It makes me so sad to think of how much easier everything would be if I didn’t have Misophonia. But I know that everything that is happening will help me to become a stronger person.

                      #1012080 Reply

                        Why is your mother eating in your room? It seems to me she knows it makes you uncomfortable, but I do agree with her that you need to get out. No one needs to live as you have, and eating in the bedroom is a disgusting habit.

                        #1014290 Reply

                          Yes I am also suffering from this problem but can’t tell anyone neither my mum nor my dad. I just started to just keep quiet and let the thing’s go on as it is. The main reason is my dad he makes such noise’s that completely derives me mad I feel like shouting screaming but can’t he’s chewing noises, drinking water noise always that lip smacking noise’s I just HATE IT DAD…….but unfortunately no one can understand……I am currently in a Very angry mood due to hearing this sounds again and again I just feel likes’uhhhhhhh enough’!!!!! Save me God

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