Mimicking & harming

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  • #1013564 Reply

    Hi friends,

    I think this is maybe the single most challenging thing I have ever written.

    I have suffered with noise sensitivity for well over ten years – I am now 25. My biggest trigger is eating and chewing but not only that, watching peoples mouths move or people getting food out their teeth with their tongue. Even typing that has sent a fire through my body. I recently had to move back home because of the pandemic and this house is giving me serious PTSD from all the times I had suffered with sound – especially from my parents.

    To say I haven’t been able to cope is an understatement. I have broken down to a dangerous point. I know a lot of people on here talk about mimicking in order to help but I have a severely negative experience with it. I have mimicked to the point where it’s compulsive, I mimic trigger noises I heard ten minutes ago whilst I’m alone to purposely rile myself. It is obscene – I know. I feel utterly insane. I intentionally make it all worse for myself out of compulsion to terrorise myself. Then that leads down a dangerous path of hurting myself. This has gotten out of control in the last week and I think I just needed to write it down somewhere in honesty.

    Despite my family knowing I have issues with sounds, it’s never been taken seriously and always made me the butt of the joke. When my mood swings, there is no return and am quite often just seen as the bitch of the family, to put it bluntly. I fear their rejection of my issue so badly that I suffer entirely alone. I’m terrified that it’s heading down a dark path that I can’t get myself out of.

    I wondered if anybody shared any similarities above or had any advise for these specific issues. I worry that I am broken and will never live a happy life.

    #1013609 Reply
    Anna Marie

    Hi Charlotte
    I know the pain all too well!! From what I’ve read, we mimic noises because our own sounds don’t bother us. Sometimes it’s actually very helpful for me. If I make the same noise someone else is making then I feel like I’m sort of regaining control. Of course this is only helpful in some settings.
    Living with my family through the pandemic has been hell— I’m sure most misophoniacs will agree. My only piece of advice is to remember that it might feel horrible right now, and as if it is ruining your life, but it will get better. If you’re more stressed in your life, your triggers will get so much worse. During less stressful time-periods, you won’t notice it as much
    I wonder if your family would be more understanding if you explained it more how you explained it here— my family is so helpful, which is NECESSARY if one is to live with them.
    Stay safe, wishing you all the best,
    Your fellow noise hater

    #1013724 Reply

    I’ve not read all your message just yet.
    I kinda didn’t need to.
    The mimicking is so relatable. People don’t understand Miso so they sure won’t understand why we have to copy something we detest…. WE don’t understand! How are they supposed to.
    Miso is horrible. I’m 56 I’ve had it since I was around 15 years of age.
    The rising panic as someone walks in the room with a sandwich is near terrifying.

    Now I’ve read your message.
    I don’t harm myself. I never have or will.
    Family is difficult. It’s the old saying familiarity breeds contempt. They can so rile us and we them … because we can get away with it…. we can’t with an outsider.

    But I am still trying. I haven’t resigned myself to giving in to it. I will not drown in Miso … which now suddenly sounds like a soup!

    Keep fighting … I will.

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