Marriage at Risk?

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  • This topic has 3 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 4 years ago by Erin.
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  • #8670 Reply


      I’m sure that I have misophonia–in hindsight, I believe it manifested at about age 9 or 10, but I didn’t know other people had such aversion to sounds.

      So: how do I save my marriage if the sound of kissing makes me want to throw things? That smacking noise–kissing, or eating–enrages me, and makes me want to break something. The neighbors’ dog barking; their kids screeching “Mom! Mom! Mom!” over and over; someone chewing; someone breathing noisily or clearing their throat repetitively; car horns honking; the cat yowling; someone running a nail gun next door (bam. bam. bam. bam.) These are all examples of sounds that can put me over the edge, and I have to try to figure out how to stay productive and positive: I leave or turn on loud (non-repetitive) music to try to drown out the offending noise, or I don’t do those things that lead to irritating noises (“no thank you, I’m not hungry,” not feeling intimate, etc.) I’m afraid I’m going to lose my husband if I can’t get over this kissing thing, as he loves it–I can’t make him understand that it’s a deal-breaker for me now, and shuts me down completely. I also have TSC (Tuberous Sclerosis Complex, not diagnosed until I was in my 40s!), and TMJ Syndrome with moderate tinnitus, so I wonder if that’s ever been associated with misophonia. I also suspect that I might be on the autism spectrum–I’ve taken tests online that indicate it is so, but I do not know how accurate those tests were. Anyone out there in my predicament? How do I deal with this without going crazy?

      Many thanks for the support.

      #1009351 Reply

        I’m right there with you! My husband is my biggest trigger. Nearly everything he does triggers me. At times all I can think is how long am I going to be able to do this. If I could just live elsewhere without hurting the kids I would do it today. My 10 yr old daughter also has it and my husband triggers her awful as well. I don’t know how people are expected to get along like this. I wish I had advice but I don’t. Just keep talking about it. Show him the videos on Misophonia and maybe he will back off a little.

        #1010131 Reply

          So I can shed light on your husbands perspective, having both a wife and two teenage daughters with this condition. We (your husband and I), understate is isn’t your fault. However you to keep your reactions to yourself. The sounds discust and enrage you, but it’s not his fault either. Humans make noise. In other words, keep it to yourself. Otherwise he’s going to take it personally, and it will eventually ruin your marriage. Sorry to be so blunt, but this is how he really feels, whether he has the courage to tell you or not.

          #1010242 Reply

            Thank you, Damon, for your comments. I have taken a similar approach on my own, and the situation is improving. In realizing that my involuntary reactions are out of proportion to their triggering sounds,it’s important to recognize the triggers and try to soften the response as much as possible. It can be worked around, if all parties involved in the situation employ understanding and make an effort to be introspective and kind. I’m not sure you or anyone else can speak for my husband, but perhaps no one has to end up taking things personally if everyone works together. Good luck.

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