How to make the triggerer to understand

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    Maria

    I have had misophonia since I was 12 years old (I am now 25). My mom is my biggest triggerer and I can’t make her seem to understand it. I almost feel like she’s either oblivious to it or just doesn’t accept that I have a condition. Like I said I’ve had this for at least 13 years and to this day every single time she tells someone about it she calls is “misophenia” instead of “-phobia”. I don’t know if it’s me or the misophonia talking here but after 13 years I feel like she should at least be able to pronounce it correctly. My main triggers are her breathing, chewing and swallowing. I can eat dinner with her as long as the TVs on and I have earplugs in. It’s a little stressful sometimes but I’m able to manage and control it but every now and then she’ll ask me to help her with something where there’s no sound and I completely panic. For example, tonight we watched a movie and when it was over she asked me To help her close all the windows. I told her I would after I turned the movie off and got the tv back on. I couldn’t get the tv on right away and instantly started to panic and she gets mad at me for it. Every time I try to talk to her about it, no matter how nice I am, I feel like she shuts down and instantly goes into self defense mode. I just don’t know how to help her understand my feelings when I hear the trigger noises.

    #6923 Reply
    Michal

    Hi Maria,

    I’ve had misophonia since I was about 12, and I’m 37 now. I’ve discovered in that time that there will be some people that will just never understand it, no matter how hard you try to get them to. My brother is kind of like that. He knows how I am, but he still chews with his mouth open around me. I hate it, but we don’t have meals together very often anymore so I can tolerate it once in a while. I believe he just thought I was overreacting when we were kids, and I don’t think he ever totally got past that image of it.

    If your mom is already getting defensive when you try to bring it up, it’s going to be a bit more challenging to get through to her. If you haven’t already, I’d suggest trying to broach it with her in the manner of “this is my condition, and here is some information about it” and direct her to the resources or articles about misophonia, rather than “these are the things YOU do that aggravate me”, does that make sense? She may be feeling attacked, like you’re telling her she’s doing something wrong, when really it’s not her, it’s us and how our brains process these triggers that’s at fault.

    For me, I’ve learned a balance of tolerating what I can and excusing myself when I can’t take it anymore is the answer. Even if you can’t get your mom to understand the condition, maybe you can get her to understand that when you reach your breaking point you’ll need to excuse yourself for a while to calm down. Even that bit of understanding might help ease some of the tension. Good luck!

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