I\’m having a huge meltdown as i type

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  • #1010340 Reply

      I’m having a panic attack as I type. I keep having to stop typing because I am trying to control my breathing. I am covered in snot, tears and I feel so light headed. I’ve been crying for the majority of the day at this point but this one is the biggest one, hyperventilation and all and I can’t escape it. I’m listening to Kara Kara Kara no Kara by Kikuo as in a way the lyrics talking about endless ringing and emptiness and the instrumentals of clanking and wacky cartoon sound effects is calming and relatable to me. I know its not about misophonia but that’s how I choose to interprete it. Just typing this all out is helping and the music is blocking out my triggers. My triggers include chewing (particularly gum and popcorn but all chewing makes me want to scream) mostly with family members (oddly, less so with strangers and friends) bass from other rooms, that tinny sound my tv makes, actually any and all tv sounds send me into a fit of rage, singing from other rooms (I think its because of how muffled it is, I detest it.) and the sound of my mother exercising. I’m in hell as I used to be able to escape the sound but I am no longer allowed in my parents room (the only room in my house that has little to none of my triggers, basically my god send) so now I’m stuck in the loudest room in my house. I’m now listening to olight (again by Kikuo, though I recommend the Kikuohana version. I love the way Kikuo tunes Hatsune Miku but Hanatan’s voice fits so much better for this emotional song) another relatable song. Listing my triggers and talking about the music i’m listening to is so helpful. I’m listening to 1 2 fanclub. It’s my emotions towards learning Japanese, and French back when I did it in school I suppose, even though I’m awful at learning both, haha. I’m very greatful for this site, and I hope to find great help within it. This helped a ton as it is. My breathing has gone back to normal, i’m not crying anymore, and I’m calmer, so I’ll stop writing soon. It’s just nice to ground myself like this. This post was such a thought dump, my word. Kikuo radio is now playing the girl who sells misfortune the hahatan version at that!! I love this song!

      #1010375 Reply

        Hey, as we speak I’m sitting alone in my bedroom while my family watches TV, I can’t bring myself to sit with them because I get angry and disgusted by everything they do, biting their nails, touching there faces, moving they feet, sniffing,…

        I feel lonely and I’m getting sick of living like this, so if anyone could give me tips or wants to talk, I just don’t know what to do anymore…

        So if you panic again, you can always talk to me if you’d like :3

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