It feels like my kid hates me

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  • #1011261 Reply
    Laura

    I love my daughter. She is 14. We used to be so close. Her misophonia triggers started with eating sounds, which I understand. The painful thing is that she now cannot be in the same room with me because she hates the sound of my breathing. My husband and friends assure me that my breathing is not abnormally loud. I feel that it must be a result of unspoken hostility. It hurts me so much. I have asked if there is anything I can do, but she denies.

    #1011265 Reply

    Hi Laura,

    I’m so sorry to hear about what you’re going through with your daughter, that sounds very challenging. Your timing’s remarkable because I’m just finishing putting together an article about why people with misophonia often experience more intense triggers with loved ones. [Spoiler: it’s not anything to do with unspoken hostility or harboured grudges!].

    I’m hoping to get it out this week so do check this website (or your email if you’re subscribed to the free email newsletter) later in the week.

    Cheers

    Tom

    #1011277 Reply
    Eve

    Hi Laura,
    I’ve been struggling with misophonia throughout my life but I saw a considerable peak during the ages of 14-17. I am now 20 and through cognitive behavioural therapy and growing older I have been able to learn my own ways of dealing with the condition. I, like your daughter, had hugely distanced myself from my mum because of triggers. It started off with eating and the sound of my dog licking but then little things that she would do uncontrollably like rubbing her finger together, would also trigger outbursts of anger, sadness and extreme discomfort. After years of struggle, me and my mum have been able to open up to each other about how we both are affected. Knowing how much it affected my mum too, it is a really difficult time on both parts. It wasn’t that I didn’t love my mum but misophonia took over much of my life, even though there are periods where I struggle more than others. Something that I felt, that she may not be able to express to you, was so isolated and I was angry at myself for the effect it had on me and my mums relationship. It was something that I felt so frustrated about because I, along with all sufferers, have no control over the way noise affects me and it’s hard to be triggered by someone you love because you spend a lot of time wishing you could change the way you feel. For anyone who doesn’t experience misophonia it’s important to understand that it isn’t a reflection of their feelings towards you but these involuntary feelings towards certain noises are awful and frustrating. It’s a hugely confusing and isolating time, especially at the age where you are trying to understand yourself and seeing others your age living freely is hard.
    Over time it has become easier to cope with in the sense that both me and my mum understand each other more to try and help eachother. I am really sorry to hear that your going through this, your not alone and it will get easier as your daughter comes to terms with it. It is something that will never go away but there are ways that she will find that will help her cope with it. I hope this helped and if there are any questions you have, feel free to ask away.

    #1011353 Reply
    Danna

    Hi Laura and Tom,

    My daughter is 16 and we just found out that she suffers from Misophonia. I am particularly interested in the article that is coming out ‘why people with Misophonia often experience more intense triggers with loved ones’. I am very interested to read the article because I am her main trigger.

    Thank you very much for your help,

    Danna

    #1011419 Reply

    Hey guys,

    Sorry for the delay, I ended up having a lot more to write on the subject than I anticipated! Here you go:

    https://allergictosound.com/articles/why-parents-partners-siblings-mum-dad-biggest-misophonia-triggers/

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