Hi guys,
I’m 16, and have been struggling with miso for what feels like decades. Although I don’t remember the exact age of onset, I think it was when I was around 6 or 7. I couldnt even list all of my triggers (although oral noises seem to always get me) because the severity of the trigger depends on who’s making what type of noise, etc.
First off, I can’t tell you how comforting it is to read all of your posts (even the older ones) and know that I’m not alone. Covid has been both a blessing and a curse, and everything is a roller coaster. I literally can’t remember the last time I ate a meal with my family. I’m currently sitting in trying not to cry because I can’t be in the places I want to be. I’m missing out on a movie right now because I can’t stand the sound of my sister tapping on her phone.
We are renovating, and now sound travels A LOT easier, which makes it hard to be anywhere but my room. I have been blessed with a considerate family, but now when someone offers to eat downstairs I can still hear them from our living room. I hate having to leave the room even though they’re using the same “rules” as before.
I’m feeling really alone right now. School has been hell in the past (full if triggers and people that want to make your life worse when you tell them whats wrong). I’ve tried telling people who I thought were my friends, but as soon as I tell someone, it effectively drives a wedge in our relationship (at least on my end). If they don’t outright dismiss me or try to say they’ve been through the exact same thing, they just don’t understand. I told one friend, and she said, “it makes sense that you would have coping techniques after dealing with this.” She doesn’t understand that I can’t just calm myself down, that her chewing CONSISTENTLY and CONSTANTLY bothers me. I want to tell one of my other friends, but I don’t want to put that barrier up or contaminate our relationship. I’m always terrified someone in my family will spill the beans.
I’m just feeling really alone right now.
(Sorry for the long post, I had a lot more on my chest than I thought)