Hi,
I just saw this thread and I am not sure if you are still checking responses but I just want to tell you I can relate to how you feel. I can see you have been struggling with the guilt about not spending time with your parents and I can agree with all your frustrations as I have gone through a somewhat similar experience and now I am attending therapy for it.
I grew up in a physically and emotionally abusive single parent household and also developed misophonia at the age of 12. My mother and father were both narcissistic and I am still learning as a 25 yo how to cope and to connect the dots between misophonia (hate sound of gum chewing, keyboard typing, mouse clicking) and growing up with parents with NPD. My mother would also exaggerate the sounds that bothered me and even after I got a clinical diagnosis, she still thinks mental health issues are a hoax and that I am just being too sensitive.
I think there is a link between hating certain sounds and having parents who overstep your boundaries and disrespect your requests of small modifications of their lifestyle. Your father should be more understanding but he chooses to remain ignorant about your issue even though you told him how it made you feel. I know ppl can be more empathetic because my SO is super accommodating and tries to avoid making these sounds when I ask him.
You should not feel guilty about not spending time with them. This guilt can haunt you for a long time and in my opinion it is best to deal with it right away. Parents with NPD are great at making their children feel guilt when they try to show some independence as they view you as extensions to themselves and they fail to recognize you as a separate entity. Guilt is a strong weapon or tactic they employ to gain empathy from you. It is up to you how you want to spend your time. If they were abusive to you and are unwilling to change or apologize, I dont think you owe them anything. Dont let them undermine your confidence and self worth because it will stress you and you will find sounds bother you more over time. Keep in mind that your priority is your well being and it’s ok to focus on your needs.
I hope as you gain more independence you can find a space that is calm and peaceful. A place where you can be separated from all the sounds that bother you. I would also encourage you to attend therapy (CBT, psychotherapy…etc) and try to deal with the misophonia since it can be so debilitating to having to always avoid the sound.
Take care!