I’m so sad. I really want to get better and i don’t know how. All the chewing sounds hurt and enrage me, specifically the ones my dad makes. He is reluctant to change, tells me i’m being inconsiderate, oversensitive, that i need to suck it up. Having a negative response and knowing he makes no effort has made me even more intolerant.
My no1 coping method is Avoidance. I leave the table, I leave the room, bust out the biggest headphones with the loudest music. No trigger, no stress, right?. But this makes me incredibly sad. I don’t want to ruin my relationship and I feel like there is already a sour patch. It makes me feel sad and unproductive, and isolated. It is not him, yet my anger goes towards him since he is the loudest and the one that easily dismissed me and my feelings.
It feels quite crippling, too. I want to have dinner, it’s not an extreme sport. I want to be around my dad, not everyone has that luck. I don’t want to stay in my room like rapunzel. I feel so sad, and reading you all has made me feel sadder too. I feel like a problem and like a disrespectful daughter. I want to cry, and I want to get better. This is only ruininig my experiences with him and I hate that it’s my fault. I didn’t ask for this, but it is my fault that i’m distancing myself because its the method i chose.
Any help would be apreciated, and i apologize for any English mistakes (not my 1st language)