I’m 15 years old and I’ve been suffering from misophonia since I was 11 or 12, but I had one specific symptom before it became so bad I began to do research and discovered the term misophonia. From being a toddler all the way up until maybe 7th grade, I had a very severe sensitivity disorder which prevented me from wearing any clothes that were not 100% cotton or were tight anywhere. I also didn’t wear snowpants and large winter coats, and I refused to put on my seatbelt a lot of the time. My parents just thought I was a very picky and troubled child, and they didn’t suspect anything until I was 10 or 11 and the sensitivity finally began to partially subside. We finally told my doctor and she told us that I did in fact have a sensitivity disorder. Now, I have no problem with clothing, but when I was little, the one hearing trigger that would literally have me yelling is when my mom would let out a huge sigh and exhale pretty intensely with a “haaaaaa…” I just remember being in the car and my mother sighing like that and me yelling at the top of my lungs begging for her to stop.
From research I did, I learned that the sensitivity disorder I had as a young child is directly linked to my misophonia and the sensitivity disorder almost became misophonia along with other factors. Research has lead me to believe that misophonia is often turned on or starts during a very stressful time and that makes perfect sense for me. Right before 5th grade, my best friend moved to Canada (I live in Massachusetts) and I was completely destroyed. During 6th grade is when my symptoms became very difficult to deal with. Loud chewing and breathing highly triggers me along with slurping and saliva sounds, but my main trigger is my mom. I love her more than anything, but up to this day she triggers me in so many ways it’s almost unbearable to be in the same room with her. Her “s” consonant sounds almost squeaky to me which is a major trigger. She also is a very very loud mouth breather and she always licks her lips and makes a really intense smacking of the lips sound. She also constantly picks at her lips which is a huge trigger for me. I have misokenisia along with misophonia which explains the visual triggers. I think the depression that my best friend moving away along with my mom’s excessive sounds really developed my misophonia.
Right now, I can barely be in the car with her. I cannot deal with her singing at all so I have to beg her to stop when singing along to the radio. I always have to plug my ears to keep her sounds out in the car and during dinner and while watching a movie. I constantly feel like she’s doing it on purpose. It makes me want to cry and makes me just want to be so violent. There have been times in the car when I debate just opening the door, even on the highway, and letting myself fall out so I don’t have to deal with it.
I have a lot of more general triggers but my mom is my biggest trigger. I feel so alone considering I am the only person I have ever met with misophonia. I do my best to explain to my parents and educate them by sending them articles and stuff like that. They say they believe be but I don’t think they understand the proportion of the anxiety I feel during my triggers and the thoughts that they cause. In fact, I know my mom doesn’t understand because as I already mentioned, her singing is one of my biggest triggers, and even though I have been asking her to stop singing along to the radio in the car for years, she still sings really softly. That shows that she knows but still thinks it doesn’t bother me and I’m just being dramatic.
I have been asking for help from my parents in getting me a therapist or something and they always say something like “we’ll talk about it” and “I don’t have time to deal with that right now” which makes me feel like my parents just don’t care enough to get me help.
I am also terrified because there is no cure, and there are some situations I just can’t avoid. I don’t wanna suffer like this for the rest of my life. I’m only 15, but I have so much ahead of me that this could affect. The other day my mom said she can’t wait for me to drive, and it hit me that every time I’m in the car with her I either have to plug my ears for the whole time or put in headphones. I am just learning how to drive, but how will I be able to drive with her in the car if she is triggering me the entire time? What if the anger and anxiety it causes me will get me distracted and I crash the car?
I just don’t want this to rule my life. If any of you have been to see therapists or have been on anti-depressants and they have been helpful, please let me know. I just feel so hopeless and I don’t want to live like this for the rest of my life. I am going to get treatment at some point or another, but I just need some reassurance that there is hope for people like us and it might get better.