Appreciate the post. It’s interesting, and difficult, for me because I’m on your husband’s side of this. If I only talk about the sound aspect of my relationship, I’d say that it took me a lot of time to be understanding. For me, I couldn’t understand why something that was intrinsic, and mostly uncontrollable, like breathing or eating, is something I’d have to change. “Why do I have to re-learn how to eat, breath, go to the bathroom, etc.?”, “Why is my partner criticizing someone I learned how to do as a kid?”. Not sure if this will help you, putting yourself in your partner’s shoes? After a time I learned to be more understanding of which sounds bother her. However, I’d say her coping mechanisms were poor for this as well as anxiety and stress. She never sought treatment and demanded I be the one to change. She at one point demanded I eat separately from her and the kids. She never really took steps to prevent, mitigate, or treat the illness and it was always incumbent on me to find a solution. At the end of the day anxiety and depression were far more difficult to deal with but they are related.
Bottom line, be compassionate for your partner and seek help for yourself. Be as patient as you can for your partner to learn what they are doing is harming you.